Thursday, October 25, 2012

I am the MOM not the MAID!

**Disclaimer** Please no judgement on this post.  I am opening up about something very real to me.  I promise I am not a bad mother.  I am just looking for help!!

Over the last few years I have put up chore charts, behavior charts, to-do lists, etc... for my children.  We use them for a week or two, then they fizzle and we forget.  My house is in ruins.  The children pick something up and lay it down where ever they are and never return to it.  I stand defeated and have waved the white flag.  I know that I cannot just go on strike.  That the cleaning fairys will not come in and clean up.  These messes must be dealt with.  They must be tackled and cleaned.  But, who should have to do it?  I don't want to!  The kids sure don't want to.  And the hubby, he could care less!  He isn't here for the biggest bulk of the day so when he comes home the last thing he wants to do is pick up toys from the living room floor.

It is bedtime.  The kids are showered and in pj's and wait for me to tuck them in.  Me, I am fuming.  I cannot walk through their bedroom to get to them to tell them good night.  I just spent 30 minutes finding S a tshirt to sleep in.  She couldn't find what she wanted to wear the day before (after I already gave her, her clothing and she was dressed) so she dumped her dresser drawers in the bedroom floor.  N decided he wanted to play with a "special toy".  The one that is laying at the bottom of his toy bucket.  So he does the only logical thing... he dumps the entire bucket into the bedroom floor - on top of the clothing his sister just threw on the floor earlier that day.  So, I fuss.  I nag.  I make threats that seem like I can stick to, but who am I kidding, I never really do.

It's the next day.  The toys are still in the living room floor.  The bedroom is still covered in clothing and toys. The sink is full of dishes from supper the night before.  The floors need sweeping and mopping.  The toilet needs scrubbing (ewww) and the shower is not going to clean itself.

Where did I go wrong?  How did I let this happen?  How could I not teach  my children to do better?  To know better?  To clean up their own messes?  Ughhhh...

Sound familiar?  Well, I would love to know what you do to take these things.  How do you clean these messes and stay sane.  How do you train your children to do better when you feel like giving up?  I need some serious help!  I need to know how to give out chores and responsibilities to my children (N is 5 and S will soon be 7) so that they can help lighten my load.  I need to know how to get them to learn that I am NOT the maid.  I am their mother.  I feel like I am losing control of this situation and my home.  I want this to be a place to live in not to hide out in.  I want to have company over and not cringe at the thought of some one dropping by unannounced 

Any suggestions will be helpful!


  1. Oh girl, I know how you feel! We struggle with this too, it's starting to slightly get better. I'm not sure what we've done to change things though, it's just sort of happened.

    P.S. I have an "S" and an "N" too :)

  2. Oh my goodness! Steph, I am in the same boat. I think it's normal to feel this way. I have been in the valley with this actually, and I know the Lord is trying to show me things through this, but I have been having my days. My 3 girls actually have been stressing me out. I love them to pieces, but there are just days I feel like I could just give up, ugh! I am thankful to have found your blog. God is so awesome to connect homeschooling families, even online! You're a blessing Steph, don't give up. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us! =)

  3. It is so hard juggling everything. I am praying my way through and adopting the Fly-Lady method. It's time I take this house back!!! I'm thinking the kids will end up with very few toys when mama is done!

  4. I often have these same feelings and struggles! I have five littles ones under the age of 7, so I do expect it to get messy sometimes. (Okay, a lot of times!) One thing that I have found that really helped me was a chore chart for ME. I know that sounds kind of backwards, but if I know I only have a few cleaning things to do each day, and I get the kids to help, it doesn't take very long to do. And then if I miss a day, I am not that far behind. And one thing that my husband and I have always done is have the kids pick up their toys every night before bed. This make a huge difference! They don't always put everything away exactly where I would like it to go, but about once a month we go through all the toy holders and sort, organize and purge.
    We have also taught them from early on that they don't eat breakfast unless they are dressed and have their beds made. Some days it is hard to stick with it, but we have to! :) I don't know if that helps, but I will be praying that you find something that works for you!